Saturday, June 10, 2017

Unfinished

Like some things become temporary forever. The silence, the stare, those eyes, that smile…I wonder how time flies giving us surprises at every turn and twist. He never said anything except the best words of silence. Had he spoken them out even once, I would have gone with the wind to break free of all the shackles of convention, to fly with him. But he didn’t say a thing, and I didn’t go. He went ahead, I stayed back looking in wonders of what could have been had it been.

How I should remember him, sometimes time teaches me to do so and at other times, it’s just those temporary forevers, the flashbulb memories. Like the long gaze of those thoughtful eyes. He could speak so much and with such conviction with those silent eyes. I could notice a twinkle or two at times when he used to look at me and my nonstop explanations with such awe, as if he was spelled under it. I would feel like a sky then. But I never told him how I felt.

Sometimes, he would speak a few words – of course at the most unexpected times that leave no room for me to look at him in awe. But when I recall those times, I can feel those undercurrents like a torrid flush of raindrops. And I am left burnt out so helplessly. Could we just go back in time to feel it again, to make a little change here and there? I wish I could. But I didn’t tell him any of my insane what ifs.

We hardly speak nowadays. Well, not in person or over the phone. But I feel I do so very often, even more than I actually spoke to him over the years. Does it mean I get the signs late? Maybe I’m a slow reader. But I still want to tell him how I felt when I felt. As I grow, the gap between right and wrong times tends to go blurry just like my eyesight. Maybe there is no gap at all. I can still see those flashbulb memories running clearly in my head, trying to play hide and seek. That makes me smile in silence and sigh in that same awe. I still haven’t told him about any of it.


Maybe someday I should. Or rather, I will let the pages of the unfinished story do the endless talks. It has been unfinished ever since it started. In fact, it never started in a way ‘start’ can be defined. And it never ended too. I still wonder what it could have been like if it had ever sounded like a complete story. But then, completion does not always have a clear definition. Maybe the temporary forevers are already complete, like the flashbulb memories. So, I have decided finally to talk about it, all of it. Hope he reads someday – the words of silence that pen the unfinished story. And I will be happier than ever to start with ‘once upon an awesome time’. I could already feel that smile and those eyes silently staring at me in awe.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

The Stare

It was silent. As always. I guess I had understood its language back when he visited my den for the first time. It was a casual 'Hi how are you' meeting. And was kind of cute. We did a lot of talking about almost everything. I was never a good speaker. I still believe so. But I was and am a good listener. I don't remember exactly what we talked about but it was warm and comforting. I remember more about something silent that happened that day. In between those words of casual talks, there were those silent stares every now and then. Maybe it was my imagination but it felt so real. So real that I'm kind of stuck with it even today. And it feels comforting even now.

We didn't keep in touch regularly. Maybe because we never had so many words to share and exchange. I always wanted to speak to him but could never find the right words. Or maybe the time was never right for the words. Although I hardly believe in anything right or wrong with time, it sure was not the right time for me. We faded into oblivion, and so did the memories. But that silent stare would keep coming back haunting me with something warm and comforting almost every time. Haunting and comforting do not gel well, but it does for that stare. It's like the occasional roar in the waves, keeps coming in my dreams or even in the most celebrated solitude. Somehow it still comforts me. There was something in that stare. It never spoke to  me. Maybe because it was not for real to him. But it was for me. I still wonder what was on his mind that day. Maybe there was nothing at all. But I feel comfort in that nothingness. I still do.

The seasons of the sun brought new mornings and evenings all these years. I moved on to places and people, friends and loved ones. That silence was no longer staring at me. Maybe because I was ignoring the shadow for a while. But I knew it was somewhere there, still staring at me silently. It indeed came back to me after a long gap. We spoke briefly, the usual stuff. Nothing changed all this while. I somehow felt there was no stare at all. It was a myth I assumed and be happy about. But it still feels warm and comforting. I guess I like it that way, stuck with the silent stare silently. Maybe it was not for real, but it still instills a beautiful story of love and unspoken yearnings. I would like to remember it that way.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Silence

There were times when you crossed my thoughts. Times when I wanted to hear words your silence never uttered. Or times when I tried to remember the hazy clouds called memories. I have memories of blank canvas and emptiness which may or may not come across your smile, or words. But I do remember that silent stare you used to steal at moments unnoticed. I indeed noticed those mini moments. Maybe you never kept my thoughts with those stares. But I saw that coming, or at least expected so. Alas, silence has so many voices to speak and sing, and smile and sigh. I do remember those eyes. Thought they would never lie, hope they never did.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Togetherness

Growing together is a real good thing. Take that morning walk by the next door park. Have your breakfast together. Share a sunrise and sunset some day together. Take that train journey together. Make that road trip happen. Share a room with a hilltop view somewhere. Go to the lonely beach together. Grab a star fish. You may get hold of a sting ray too. Dance in that carnival together. Start counting stars together in a summer night. Fly together with the birds. Chase after butterflies together. Talk to the unknown stream by the mountain. Cross that rocky bridge together. Go places. Get high. Get lost. Go hiding. Go shining. Share smiles. Go screaming. Get loud. Grab a nap. Do everything together. Get a life together. Get growing together.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

A Poem of Faces

I don't know if I can fit them all in one pocket of memory but I guess it's not impossible. I have encountered so many colors of love, almost rapidly in a flash of two summers. Or maybe three. Things happened almost in a flash indeed. Love came and went within fleets of seconds. Sometimes it gives me a smile or two. I can visualize so many faces queuing in the lane of a three summers old memory. Face that kissed mine out of the most unexpected blue. Face that trusted me completely and loved my heart with innocence and sincerity. Face that peeped all of a sudden with a smile that faded with time. Face that happened to be shy and silent yet smiling at unexpected intervals. Face that came back and forth like the seasons themselves. Face that made me smile to the midnight dance by the speechless shore. Face that brought a twinkle to mine only to blink with the stars and stare from far throughout the sunshine. Face that brought me back from the stone-washed past to relive it and then to splash the darkness of silence again. Face that still tries hard to bring me a brighter smile. Faces of black and white, faces of crimson red, of rainbow hues. While sitting by the lone balcony under a thoughtful sky, I can think of all these faces with a smile clearer, brighter, livelier than those of all. And I know this smile is going to shine brighter as always. The shadow by the silent window is still staring at my silhouette. Does he even know that I am writing a poem here, of the colorful faces? He does not have a clue, I bet.

The Signs

It's a stupid little game on my cell phone. I hardly play, but today I thought I should. Espcially when you know you are about to experience boredom, you should explore your smartphone, provided you have installed some game orapp in it. Period. I was fortunate enough to realize the ensuing boredom, and did the same as mentioned above. That's when I realized I have not played this game for a while. It's a simple puzzle game where you have to unblock the blocks to give way to the red block. The rules are simple: try out the possibilities and solve the puzzle. As I was playing the game, I could manage crossing the levels pretty soon. Soon the game became interesting, only to eventually make me realize that I had left boredom thousand blocks back. The moment the "You solved this puzzle!" message got flashed on the screen, I indeed felt a winning smile on my face. I know it's just an ordinary puzzle game. But it definitely told me how to read signs. The signs of unblocking the blocks, of chasing the boredom, of solving confusions, and coming out with a smile as bright as sunshine. Things may look difficult, but not as much as next to impossible. I am happy to read my signs. And I know I will come out smiling all the way throughout. Happy sign-reading!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Something of Everything

A morning blush,
One familiar voice,
One favorite song,
A diary of nostalgic lanes,
A ring road of memories,
A bunch of gossip queens,
An everlasting friendship,
A promise of brighter tomorrows,
A surprise of crowded laughters,
A dream of thousand-odd hopes,
A sky of twinkling thoughts,
A trusted travel companion,
An enjoyable trek,
A soothing guitar string,
A caring 'special someone'
A wonderful tale of love,
A celebration of life.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Ode to the First Times...

Silence has too many crowded connotations. At least for me. But for a change and for the first time, I am in love with this crowd. Always. There is always a first time for things in life. No matter how, when and where you fall in love (and not to forget with who), this crowd follows you like a shadow. It tells you things anew, afresh, and yes, that first time happens to you again. Like it tells you to smell the earth on the season's first rain. It happens every year, yet you feel the freshness the way you did for the first time. And that first time keeps coming back to you every year, with the same newness in it. It tells you how you smile when the breeze tickles your mind with that soft whisper. Or the way you blush when some insanely attractive stares glare you with a helplessly unavoidable smile peeping out of some corner from their unknown lips. Or the way you close your eyes when you sit under a clear starclad sky and be spellbound with its awesome blueness. Like the way you go speechless when you see the first rays of the sun kissing the earth on a silent morning. Or the way you feel happy within and around when your headphone plays the most soothing melodies like I am doing right now. As I said, there is always a first time for things that happen every day, every night, every season. That newness is always fresh. That feeling is always a good reason worth happening to you and making you feel like the first time. Cheers to all the first times...!

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The Familiar Season

It's like seasons changing under the sun and the stars - from scorching summer to the delightful spring. It works in a cycle. Just like a dark night hovering over the tiny fireflies and then escaping to the befall of the dawn. It's morning sunshine now, it's melancholic winter afternoon then. We love, we sing, we make faces, we argue, we fight, we start being silent, we make up, we sing, we love again. And this continues throughout days and nights till the sun tells us to stop complaining and the stars, to start dreaming. It's like a complete prose - a wonderful work of fiction that goes on without a beginning and with no intend to come to an end. Can there be anything more fascinating than this? For I have not come across any. That smile, that stare, that silence - everything makes me speak and smile back, to the one I coincidentally met on one confused evening, started talking from stranger to familiar tone, visited one summer morning on an unfamiliarly deserted road, traveled around the noodled hillways with.

Now when I look back and sit for a while to think of him in isolation, I realize that it was never a coincidence. We were meant to happen the way we happened to each other. That there was nothing called an isolation. That he was always there with me, for me, by me. That the seasons will remain same for the times to come. And that, the most familiar season for us together will be the seasons of love.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Reply to a Judgmental Stranger

Dear Mr. Stranger,

Thank you for your words. As for records, I am just an ordinary, simple girl who sincerely believes in the honesty of feelings and tries to understand the practicality of life. I won't say I don't expect, because we humans can't even breathe in a puff of air without expectations in order to live what we call life. I value relations with sincerity and a strong sense of responsibility. For me, the most important investment is love. My life revolves around it. The most significant relation in my life is friendship, and I take sincere pride in the fact that I am fortunate to have earned some of the most trustful friends in life. So losing any of them will be the dumbest thing on my part. Now coming to your words, I'm grateful again for your advice. And I would say I would love to know you more. If you can't find me on Facebook, then you can give me your complete name and I would add you. That would be my pleasure to have you as a friend. Rest as I have said earlier, in case of relations as significant as friendship, things in life will definitely happen if they are meant to happen. Be good and do good to earn the best of friends and family. Amen. Much love and happiness to you.

Wish you a very happy and radiant Diwali.

Cheers,

Phoenix

Monday, October 13, 2014

A Winter to Begin

The night startled me with a sharp noise yesterday. And I woke up with a more startled mind. It was a thunder. What? Is it? It's indeed a long summer this time, and I have been eagerly awaiting the warmth of winter nights. My mind speculated in sleep, and went to sleep again with a happy winter thought.

The morning was fresh as ever. I could see the freshest greenest leaves on the sideways while waiting for an auto to office. The streaks of sylvan rows adorning the layered road is something not that great yet so picturesque. I was trying to inhale that greenness within when the breeze came tiptoeing to kiss me gently. Such a wonderful morning. I have witnessed this early winter morning almost after ages. And it felt so good.

The breeze kept cuddling my hair while I was on my way to office. There was a silent passenger sitting next to me by the other corner of the auto. He looked serious, contemplative, and lost in his thoughts. Maybe he too was enjoying the morning. I looked away from him to notice the dancing trees by the other side of the road. There is no traffic, no pollution, no honking weirdos, no noise, only the whispers of the crowded green trees. No tension, no worries, no breakups, no hung-ups, no ego fights, only the feeling of life that is breathing so peacefully here.

This is life, this is all we want, this is what we strive for, this is what makes us work like a lunatic, program calculated emotions, invest money instead of love, replace understanding with compromise, and I can go on. But life is right here, in the streaked green sideways, and the whispers of the breeze, and the music in the air, and the dancing leaves. Oops, did I just say music? I could actually hear the breeze humming to me, whispering silently "Don't be afraid to fall in love again". That gave my lips a silent smile my co-passenger will never be able to understand. But I know someone somewhere will think the same way in this beautiful early winter morning. Meanwhile, happy winter!

Unfinished

Like some things become temporary forever. The silence, the stare, those eyes, that smile…I wonder how time flies giving us surprises at ev...